Fwance! (as Henry calls it)
Okay, so as I am coming out of my third day in Saint-Cast-Le-Guildo, I am feeling so many things: Joy, lonliness, heartache, artistic drive, nervousness, etc. I recently had a skype lesson with a voice teacher, and we talked about hating the term “gap year” and how this should be a year of growth and exploration. Gap year has such a negative sound to it, and makes it sound like college is the end-all be-all of all 18-22 year olds. It makes it sound like you’re taking a break from life and not being productive, while really it should be the opposite. Doing something huge and scary like this is a big deal, and being taken out of your comfort zone and being placed in a totally different culture can only help you grow as a human being in the long run. So, I am only excited for what is to come. Obviously, I’m having somewhat of a hard time adjusting and not being with friends and family, but that’s what made me realize that I can do nothing but grow here.
Being with this family is fantastic. The kids are awesome, and I’ve had so many great talks with their mom, and their dad remembers to teach me everything there is to know about everything. The social aspect is hard since I don’t speak the language… BUT I was taking a walk today and some locals greeted me, and I said “bonjour” back and I don’t think they knew I was American… so 10 points for Gryffindor, am I right? The town is beautiful. There are a lot of world war two memorials and famous landmarks which is awesome. I love learning more about history and culture. Speaking of culture, I went to my first mass today… in French… so that was about as confusing as it gets. But I did pick up some words like God… that was about it. I guess I didn’t do as well as I thought. It was still a great experience, and it was cool to think about how everyone was there for the same purpose, no matter what language they spoke. I think the language barrier will be the hardest thing while I’m here. There are so many people I would love to talk to and learn about, but I get embarrassed that I literally know maybe 20 words in their language… definitely not enough to have a conversation. Unless they want to talk about how their cat is white, or how their children are eating strawberries. I know I just need to get more courageous and try to talk with people, but that will come with time.
Today was the first day I really had alone time, and it was fantastic. I went on a walk and explored. The nice thing about not speaking the language is that I couldn't read private property signs lol. I'm pretty sure I ended up in a meadow I wasn't supposed to be in, but it was so worth it. There was a trail that led all the way to a cliff that had more trails leading down to a little private beach. It was across from a beautiful old naval station. Let me tell you... I stood there for a while in so much peace. I'm looking forward to more beautiful experiences like that while I'm here. It made me very hopeful for the rest of my time.
Do any of you have any suggestions as to how to immerse myself in the culture more fully/ how to learn languages? Leave some comments please! I’m lonely in a foreign country J
(WARNING: this post is the heaviest I will ever get. Most of my posts will be very light-hearted lol)
Since I was 13 I knew I wanted to be a performer. Specifically, be on Broadway. I suffer from a lot of social anxiety, so being able to escape myself and put all of my emotions into a character was exactly what I needed. I had my life figured out. I was going to go to school on the East Coast, get my BFA in musical theatre, move to New York and audition. Then I found straight acting and changed my mind. I got into an awesome BFA acting program in New Jersey and was so excited!! Then, life happened. *queue record scratch*. A few months before I was supposed to leave for college, I went through a break up that changed the course of my life. (relationships, am I right ladies?) I made a lot of mistakes in this relationship which caused me to not be mentally healthy when it ended. Thankfully, I had some amazing friends and family who helped me get into the mindset to go to school and move. So I did. I moved 3,000 miles away from my safety net, and let me tell you… that was hard BUT life-changing. I was fine at first. I was super distracted and met a ton of new people and had a lot to do in my classes. After about a month, my depression came back full force: ugly-crying myself to sleep, major anxiety attacks, mood swings, not wanting to talk to anyone, etc. Thank God for the program I was in and the people there. They got me through that semester, and I will always love them for that. Despite everything, I loved my classes and loved the people there. Being there made me fall more in love with art than I ever had been before. But, when I came home for Christmas I decided not to continue in school. I was sick and advised by family and doctors not to go back. So I trekked back 3,000 miles, had gall bladder surgery, and gained 30 pounds. Needless to say, it was a great time :). But I got to do 2 shows while home, and they saved me. Getting to leave all my stress at home and do two beautiful shows which helped me work through those emotions that I was pushing away saved me. If you’re interested in how theatre saved me, I will post more on that later! As I was home and trying to figure out what my next step was, I found myself being freed: I wasn’t stuck for four years at a school. I didn’t have every step of my life planned out anymore. Sure, it’s scary, but it’s also crazy beautiful! I could do anything I wanted! There was and is a huge weight lifted off my chest. There is something beautiful about being lost. That is where I found myself and my happiness. I've fallen deeply in love with humans and learned to love every one of them, including their flaws. I've grown tremendously in my artistic and life endeavors in ways i didn't even know were possible, and I am now so excited for life.
And that, my dear friends, is how I ended up here. On my way to France. Preparing myself for what could possibly be the adventure of my lifetime :)
So I'm curious:
1. What do you guys want to see come out of this blog?
2. Do you have similar stories?
I'd love to hear from each and every one of you! Use the comment section below please! See ya soon, friends.
Hi friends! I'm 20 and don't know what I'm doing with my life, so I'm embracing life full-force and moving to France for a bit.